Discord
Changelog
kek, I can't say I've had experiences like that, but tabletop definitely seems to bring out the interesting side of folks lol
Friend GMing: "Alright, you're traveling through the forest and you run into these weird spheres..."
Me: "Can you draw us a picture?"
*Friend draws a picture*
Other Friend: "Oh shit, it's a avocado guys!"
Gm: "No, it's a water elemental-"
Friend: "Lets go kill us some water avocados!"
...
Later after several instances of fighting the water avocados
Me: "Alright guys, keep on the lookout for water avocado-"
Gm rolls a d20, nat 20
Gm: "The gods have decided to permanently ban the term avocado from the dictionary. Use of it will cause bad things to happen."
Friend: "Alright guys, keep on the lookout for water things that happen to look like a certain plant I can't remember."
Other Friend: "You mean water testicle plants?"
Me: "Well shit, there's about thirty kobolds and only four of us in a crowded hallway."
Gm: "Yes, you should probably be running off here."
Friend: "Alright lets get out-"
Me: "How flammable is my barrel of alcohol on my dwarf's back?" (yes, they legit bought a barrel of alcohol)
Gm rolls a set of dice, natural 20
Gm: "It's pretty much straight ethanol. You could probably-"
Me: "I light the barrel on fire and kick it towards the kobolds"
Friend: "Dude, this better not be like that time you summong a porpoise on top of the enemy-"
Me: "Relax, relax, it'll be fine!"
Gm: "I need a wisdom check"
*rolls a 15*
Gm: "This is a really bad idea. You should probably just run."
Me: "I do it anyways!"
Gm: "Oh for god's sake..."
Proceed to roll a natural 1
Gm: "You proceed to light it on fire and kick the barrel at the kobolds. It begins to leak a flaming trail as it goes, but you kicked it in the wrong direction and it hits a wall, exploding. Everyone in the party takes..."
Rolls really high numbers and we're all really low level
Gm: "Everyone in the party is dying and on fire except for you two. There. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?"
Me: "I regret nothing!"
Gm: "You know you have to fight these, right?"
Friend: "NO! I'm a druid! I can't fight spiders or I lose my spells for the day!"
Gm: "Spiders are pests, not animals. And you're out of spells"
Friend: "That's a horrible thing to say about our eight legged friends! I demand animal empathy checks!"
Gm: "Fine... Whatever."
Other friend: "Dude! You're getting rid of XP!"
Friend: "Alright, animal empathy check... Oh come on you cutsey whittle spiders, please run off now so my friends don't have to kill you!"
Gm: "They're giant spiders. One of them bites you."
Friend: "Oh fuck you, where's my canister of raid?"
*Playing Starwars tabletop, just pissed off a hutt, we're all Jedi padawans*
Gm: "The Hutt begins to approach you as you barricade the hangar"
Friend: "Shit guys, search the crates, there's got to be something!"
Gm: "The crates are full of carrots. You've trapped yourself in the room with crates full of carrots. The Hutt will reach you in about three rounds."
Me: "Guys, remember what our master told us about eating carrots? Start throwing carrots at the Hutt's big fat mouth!"
Gm: "You... Begin to throw carrots at the hutt to no avail."
Me: "I demand a roll"
Gm: "If you want a roll, you'll need to use your force p-"
Me: "I use my force powers."
Gm: "Alright, fine. Go for it... Ranged attack roll."
*Proceed to roll a 20*
Gm being snarky: "You hit the hutt. I need you to roll to confirm."
*Proceed to roll a second 20*
Gm: "That's bullshit, rer-"
*Proceed to roll a 19*
Gm: "Oh for fuck's sake... You manage to chuck a carrot at just the right angle down the Hutt's throat that he chokes on it and dies. I can't believe this."
Me: "Better watch your Peas and Carrots, son! Hey, isn't a Hutt worth a lot of XP?"
Me GMing: "You proceed down into the dark abyss when you see something red glowing in the distance..."
Friends: "We proceed along"
Me: "You exit the small tunnel to find yourself in a giant underground cave, a tower rests in the distance with small lava tunnels travelling down the walls."
Artist Friend: "I want a picture."
*Proceed to pull out graph paper and try to draw a picture rather poorly*
Friend: "Oh my god guys, it's a penis tower!"
Other Friend: "Oh, looks like it's excited with all that lava around it, though I think it might have something with all those bumps (windows) along it!"
Friend: "We push through into the Penis tower! Ramming our way past the entrance!"
Me GMing: "You kill the peasant inside the inn, citing 'dat sweet XP' as an excuse. The guards don't buy it and come after you."
Friend: "I cast create water on the guard."
Me: "What? Why? It's not even a combat spell."
Friend: "You said the guard was a chick earlier, right?"
Me: "Yeah, but they're in half plate armor-"
Friend: "God damn it, I'm a level two Cleric. I cast create water on the guard!"
Me: "Alright, fine. You drench the guard in four gallons of water and get the floor wet. She looks pissed as all hell."
Friend: "Alright, now I want our bard to cast charm person and our thief to use diplomacy to convince her to take off her armor."
Me: "What?"
Friend: "I'm getting myself some half plate and a pair of tits before the end of this session!"
GM: "You're all saved by the elves, but you note that your equipment has been taken. They likely think you're intr-"
Friend: "Am I bound?"
Gm: "No, but-"
Friend: "I immediately walk outside of the tent and begin furiously gyrating my hips at anyone nearby!"
Friend GMing: "Alright, you're traveling through the forest and you run into these weird spheres..."
Me: "Can you draw us a picture?"
*Friend draws a picture*
Other Friend: "Oh shit, it's a avocado guys!"
Gm: "No, it's a water elemental-"
Friend: "Lets go kill us some water avocados!"
...
Later after several instances of fighting the water avocados
Me: "Alright guys, keep on the lookout for water avocado-"
Gm rolls a d20, nat 20
Gm: "The gods have decided to permanently ban the term avocado from the dictionary. Use of it will cause bad things to happen."
Friend: "Alright guys, keep on the lookout for water things that happen to look like a certain plant I can't remember."
Other Friend: "You mean water testicle plants?"
Me: "Well shit, there's about thirty kobolds and only four of us in a crowded hallway."
Gm: "Yes, you should probably be running off here."
Friend: "Alright lets get out-"
Me: "How flammable is my barrel of alcohol on my dwarf's back?" (yes, they legit bought a barrel of alcohol)
Gm rolls a set of dice, natural 20
Gm: "It's pretty much straight ethanol. You could probably-"
Me: "I light the barrel on fire and kick it towards the kobolds"
Friend: "Dude, this better not be like that time you summong a porpoise on top of the enemy-"
Me: "Relax, relax, it'll be fine!"
Gm: "I need a wisdom check"
*rolls a 15*
Gm: "This is a really bad idea. You should probably just run."
Me: "I do it anyways!"
Gm: "Oh for god's sake..."
Proceed to roll a natural 1
Gm: "You proceed to light it on fire and kick the barrel at the kobolds. It begins to leak a flaming trail as it goes, but you kicked it in the wrong direction and it hits a wall, exploding. Everyone in the party takes..."
Rolls really high numbers and we're all really low level
Gm: "Everyone in the party is dying and on fire except for you two. There. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?"
Me: "I regret nothing!"
Gm: "You know you have to fight these, right?"
Friend: "NO! I'm a druid! I can't fight spiders or I lose my spells for the day!"
Gm: "Spiders are pests, not animals. And you're out of spells"
Friend: "That's a horrible thing to say about our eight legged friends! I demand animal empathy checks!"
Gm: "Fine... Whatever."
Other friend: "Dude! You're getting rid of XP!"
Friend: "Alright, animal empathy check... Oh come on you cutsey whittle spiders, please run off now so my friends don't have to kill you!"
Gm: "They're giant spiders. One of them bites you."
Friend: "Oh fuck you, where's my canister of raid?"
*Playing Starwars tabletop, just pissed off a hutt, we're all Jedi padawans*
Gm: "The Hutt begins to approach you as you barricade the hangar"
Friend: "Shit guys, search the crates, there's got to be something!"
Gm: "The crates are full of carrots. You've trapped yourself in the room with crates full of carrots. The Hutt will reach you in about three rounds."
Me: "Guys, remember what our master told us about eating carrots? Start throwing carrots at the Hutt's big fat mouth!"
Gm: "You... Begin to throw carrots at the hutt to no avail."
Me: "I demand a roll"
Gm: "If you want a roll, you'll need to use your force p-"
Me: "I use my force powers."
Gm: "Alright, fine. Go for it... Ranged attack roll."
*Proceed to roll a 20*
Gm being snarky: "You hit the hutt. I need you to roll to confirm."
*Proceed to roll a second 20*
Gm: "That's bullshit, rer-"
*Proceed to roll a 19*
Gm: "Oh for fuck's sake... You manage to chuck a carrot at just the right angle down the Hutt's throat that he chokes on it and dies. I can't believe this."
Me: "Better watch your Peas and Carrots, son! Hey, isn't a Hutt worth a lot of XP?"
Me GMing: "You proceed down into the dark abyss when you see something red glowing in the distance..."
Friends: "We proceed along"
Me: "You exit the small tunnel to find yourself in a giant underground cave, a tower rests in the distance with small lava tunnels travelling down the walls."
Artist Friend: "I want a picture."
*Proceed to pull out graph paper and try to draw a picture rather poorly*
Friend: "Oh my god guys, it's a penis tower!"
Other Friend: "Oh, looks like it's excited with all that lava around it, though I think it might have something with all those bumps (windows) along it!"
Friend: "We push through into the Penis tower! Ramming our way past the entrance!"
Me GMing: "You kill the peasant inside the inn, citing 'dat sweet XP' as an excuse. The guards don't buy it and come after you."
Friend: "I cast create water on the guard."
Me: "What? Why? It's not even a combat spell."
Friend: "You said the guard was a chick earlier, right?"
Me: "Yeah, but they're in half plate armor-"
Friend: "God damn it, I'm a level two Cleric. I cast create water on the guard!"
Me: "Alright, fine. You drench the guard in four gallons of water and get the floor wet. She looks pissed as all hell."
Friend: "Alright, now I want our bard to cast charm person and our thief to use diplomacy to convince her to take off her armor."
Me: "What?"
Friend: "I'm getting myself some half plate and a pair of tits before the end of this session!"
GM: "You're all saved by the elves, but you note that your equipment has been taken. They likely think you're intr-"
Friend: "Am I bound?"
Gm: "No, but-"
Friend: "I immediately walk outside of the tent and begin furiously gyrating my hips at anyone nearby!"